The Dirty Thirty... 30 unknown facts/secrets about yourself:
1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship?
Whore Bag
2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
About a year ago when I was really serious into working out. Now I look like Teen Wolf and should probably consider it again.
3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
Dreaming of giving Martha Stewart a Dirty Sanchez (true story)
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Taking the longest piss known to man.
5. Are you any good at math?
Yes. Except when I do sports betting and lose. Suddenly, my math gets shady.
6. Your prom night?
Hopped in a limo, smoked some pot, took some shots, danced the night away with permiscuous high school whores, stayed in a hotel on South Beach and banged like a wild monkey in a jacuzzi.
7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
Yeah. My great grandafther has the same first name as Dick Jauron.
8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for your sports betting?
LOL. No. Time to quit.
9. Largest bet you have ever made?
I put about $1,200 on the Mavs to beat the Heat in Game 3, and got my anus handed to me.
10.Last thing received in the mail?
Daggum credit card bill.
11. How many different beverages have you had today?
Water, margaritas, Guinness
12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines?
No. Unless its an emergency. Hint to rawpimple: I know you fuckin called me, I see it on my missed calls. I dont need you to leave me a fuckin voicemail telling me that you called me and for me to call you back. I get the fuckin point.
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
I went to a Bone Thugs and Harmony Concert. I know, I know. But back in the day, they were the Thuggish Ruggish Bone at the Miami Arena.
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Gayest question Ive seen.
15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
I had my teeth professionally whitened and my gums were off the hook sensitive. Dr. said I had pus$y juice on there from 4 years ago that needed to be surgically removed which may have been causing the irritation. Just kidding. But seriously....
16. What is out your back door?
Death. I live on the 2nd floor.
17. Any plans for Friday night?
Get drunk, pass out, take advantage of my girlfriend.
18. Do you like the ocean?
Yeah, but I dont go too deep because Shark Week is a *****. Some people call me a pu$sy. I'll be the pu$sy with 2 legs, thank you very much.
19. Have you ever put it in the pooper?
Yeah, see question #1 about the ex. Im still trying to break this one in and shes coming around. I give her another 3 months before she cracks.
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Yeah on like a 3rd grade field trip. And I would love to smoke a little blunt and hit that place up, I bet it would be sweeeet, especially with someone narrating that knew his shit with a sweet voice up in the "booth".
22. Upcoming event that you are excited about?
Gators vs. Bama. Taking advantage of my drunken girlfriend this weekend at a friends wedding. beating.vegas' game of the minute tomorrow.
23. What is your favorite comedy, drama, and trilogy movies?
Dumb and Dumber, Pulp Fiction, Matrix
24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
Negative.
25. Describe your keychain:
Keys with a daggum bottle opener. Critical.
26. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
About 2 months ago.
27. Shaved, Landing strip, Bermuda Triangle or the Buckwheat?
Shaved..landing strip works too.
28. Describe your significant others nipples?
Quarters. Perky. Pointy. Good medium color. Not too pink. Not too red.
30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Open. If they busted in the front door, they sure as hell can bust through a stupid bedroom door. Stop bein a puss. If it's gonna get you, its gonna get you.
1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship?
Whore Bag
2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
About a year ago when I was really serious into working out. Now I look like Teen Wolf and should probably consider it again.
3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
Dreaming of giving Martha Stewart a Dirty Sanchez (true story)
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Taking the longest piss known to man.
5. Are you any good at math?
Yes. Except when I do sports betting and lose. Suddenly, my math gets shady.
6. Your prom night?
Hopped in a limo, smoked some pot, took some shots, danced the night away with permiscuous high school whores, stayed in a hotel on South Beach and banged like a wild monkey in a jacuzzi.
7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
Yeah. My great grandafther has the same first name as Dick Jauron.
8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for your sports betting?
LOL. No. Time to quit.
9. Largest bet you have ever made?
I put about $1,200 on the Mavs to beat the Heat in Game 3, and got my anus handed to me.
10.Last thing received in the mail?
Daggum credit card bill.
11. How many different beverages have you had today?
Water, margaritas, Guinness
12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines?
No. Unless its an emergency. Hint to rawpimple: I know you fuckin called me, I see it on my missed calls. I dont need you to leave me a fuckin voicemail telling me that you called me and for me to call you back. I get the fuckin point.
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
I went to a Bone Thugs and Harmony Concert. I know, I know. But back in the day, they were the Thuggish Ruggish Bone at the Miami Arena.
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Gayest question Ive seen.
15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
I had my teeth professionally whitened and my gums were off the hook sensitive. Dr. said I had pus$y juice on there from 4 years ago that needed to be surgically removed which may have been causing the irritation. Just kidding. But seriously....
16. What is out your back door?
Death. I live on the 2nd floor.
17. Any plans for Friday night?
Get drunk, pass out, take advantage of my girlfriend.
18. Do you like the ocean?
Yeah, but I dont go too deep because Shark Week is a *****. Some people call me a pu$sy. I'll be the pu$sy with 2 legs, thank you very much.
19. Have you ever put it in the pooper?
Yeah, see question #1 about the ex. Im still trying to break this one in and shes coming around. I give her another 3 months before she cracks.
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Yeah on like a 3rd grade field trip. And I would love to smoke a little blunt and hit that place up, I bet it would be sweeeet, especially with someone narrating that knew his shit with a sweet voice up in the "booth".
22. Upcoming event that you are excited about?
Gators vs. Bama. Taking advantage of my drunken girlfriend this weekend at a friends wedding. beating.vegas' game of the minute tomorrow.
23. What is your favorite comedy, drama, and trilogy movies?
Dumb and Dumber, Pulp Fiction, Matrix
24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
Negative.
25. Describe your keychain:
Keys with a daggum bottle opener. Critical.
26. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
About 2 months ago.
27. Shaved, Landing strip, Bermuda Triangle or the Buckwheat?
Shaved..landing strip works too.
28. Describe your significant others nipples?
Quarters. Perky. Pointy. Good medium color. Not too pink. Not too red.
30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Open. If they busted in the front door, they sure as hell can bust through a stupid bedroom door. Stop bein a puss. If it's gonna get you, its gonna get you.
